the plan

i like to have a plan. always. i live out of the green planner i carry around with me. i'm never without it. i have it every sunday, when i'm planning out the week and what meals we'll have. i have it with me every time i leave the house, plan a social event, or need to remember a birthday. in it i make grocery lists, to do lists and every other kind of list. i count down to things i'm excited for. i look back in it and remember fun things we did.


i'm kind of crazy, basically.


but i always have a plan. most of the time, that's a good thing. it's nice to know when we'll have free time and when we won't (it seems to be more often the latter, lately). it's nice to have our meals planned out for the week and know what we need to get used, what i need to purchase, etc. it's great to be able to remember birthdays, anniversaries and plans with friends. especially now that i'm pregnant and my memory is growing increasingly worse.


however, i've often been foiled in my plans and had to make adjustments and arrangements. i'm getting better at that. i don't freak out if nick has to work later or if something i had planned just doesn't happen. i'm getting better at going-with-the-flow, as it were. this is probably a good thing, since we'll soon be throwing a newborn into the mix. i've learned that even the best planned schemes can sometimes go astray. so i plan, cross my fingers, and then make whatever changes i need to.


that said, i don't like to go into things without a plan. so it probably seemed a little out of character when i gave two weeks notice to my job without another lined up. i don't do things like that. but we prayed and prayed and prayed. i knew i wasn't supposed to work here anymore, for so many reasons. finally, not knowing what i was going to do after the two weeks, i submitted a two weeks notice. i felt confident that the Lord would take care of us.


so imagine my delight when, after applying for multiple jobs, i received a call for a job interview. this was ideal. the job was nearby. it was a great company. they knew that i was pregnant, and were okay with that. everything lined up. the interview went really well and i was already creating some imaginary plan in my head.  i was pleased that everything was still going according to that "plan".


so then when i find out today that i didn't get a job? like someone threw a wrench into the tire of my fast-moving bicycle.


you'd think i'd have learned by now, right? that anyone would have. five years ago, i would have lovingly told you of my plan to marry my missionary when he returned home & graduate in journalism. then nick came along. :) that was a much more pleasant wrench.


i feel like i can see Heavenly Father smiling down at me and slowly shaking his head. i see that image in my head more often than i'd like to admit. :)


here i am, the last week of my job and nothing lined up. nothing even close. don't get me wrong, i'm definitely still applying, and working as hard as i can to find another job. and i'm stressed. and scared. and worried. the minute i got the e-mail telling me i didn't get the job, i jumped onto lds.org looking for an article or something that would help me feel better.

Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.

God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.

May we ever believe, trust, and align our lives so that we will understand our true eternal worth and potential. May we be worthy of the precious blessings our Heavenly Father has in store for us is my prayer in the name of His Son, even Jesus Christ, amen. (you matter to him, dieter f. uchtdorf)

always works, right? :) that president uchtdorf knows his stuff.

so yeah, i'm terrified. we need two incomes, at least for right now. we can survive on one, but that's not "the plan". but do i feel like i made a mistake quitting this job? not even slightly. do i feel like Heavenly Father is going to leave us hanging? no way. it's weird to feel so concerned, but so calm at the same time. must be a hormonal pregnant woman thing ;) poor nick is working twelve hour + days, and i don't get to talk to him until later tonight, so i needed somewhere to let go of everything. if you made it this far, thanks for "listening" to me vent.